Understanding the polyvagal ladder to befriend your nervous system

Befriending your autonomic nervous system: the missing piece of the puzzle

I’ve reflected a few times that one of the missing puzzle pieces for me, when it comes to my healing journey, has been understanding and (mostly) befriending my nervous system. As someone who’s neurodivergent, who’s also had various traumatic experiences in the past, my nervous system can be sensitive even with all of the tools I have at my disposal.

I’m a counsellor and therapist who supports people to understand their nervous systems every day but that definitely doesn’t translate to me having all of the answers when it comes to my own experience. That said, if things become overwhelming or unmanageable for me, it’s usually because I’ve ignored my nervous system by pushing through when it wasn’t in my best interest to do so. This post is as much of a reminder for me, as it is me sharing some useful tools and ways of befriending your nervous system.

Polyvagal theory and the polyvagal ladder

The Polyvagal Ladder is a concept that was developed by Deb Dana, based on Dr. Stephen Porges’s polyvagal theory. It’s a helpful way of understanding and working with our nervous systems. Polyvagal theory suggests that our nervous system operates in different states, depending on our perception of safety and threat. You can find out more about the role the nervous system plays in mental health and wellbeing here.

For those seeking to befriend their nervous systems, understanding these states and learning how to navigate them can be really helpful. Keep reading for a break down of each state along with a suggested exercise for further exploration or as a response.

The three nervous system states of the polyvagal ladder

Ventral vagal: the safe and social zone

We are biologically wired for connection. In the Ventral Vagal state, which is sometimes referred to as rest and digest, we feel safe, connected, and socially engaged. This state is associated with the parasympathetic nervous system and it’s where we experience calm, curiosity, and connection. This allows us to engage with others and the world around us in a meaningful way, while the thinking part of our brain is engaged.

What ventral vagal can feel like

Words to describe the ventral vagal state can include: happy, free, relaxed, connected, joyful, playful, trusting, open, calm and grounded

Connecting with a ventral vagal state

Ways of bringing your nervous system into a ventral vagal state can include doing anything that helps us to feel connected to ourselves, others and the world around us. This might be focussing on a hobby or interest (especially for those with neurodivergent interest-based nervous systems), co-regulating in community or with people we feel at ease with and being in places where we can connect to a sense of safety.

In her book Polyvagal exercises for safety and connection, Deb Dana suggests exploring your 'ventral vagal anchors’ by doing an audit of ‘who’, ‘what’, ‘where’ and ‘when’ you can connect with feelings of safety. You can use these anchors as a point of focus when you’re struggling.

I explore this exercise with my clients regularly as having anchors that they can return to can help them to safely explore the things they’re struggling with. For example, one client feels the safest and most connected when visiting their grandparent’s house. Visualising the house and the feelings they experience there can be used as a tool to anchor when we’re exploring more difficult memories from the past.

Sympathetic state aka fight or flight

The sympathetic nervous system state is triggered when we perceive a threat. This state prepares us for fight or flight, increasing our heart rate, and adrenaline levels, and sharpening our senses. This state is maintained by cortisol (the stress hormone). While this response is essential for survival, chronic activation can be really hard on our bodies and we can experience stress and burn out. The brain can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived one so we can go into this fight or flight response when there isn’t any actual danger present, based on our past experiences.

What the sympathetic state can feel like

Words to describe the ventral vagal state can include: anxious, frightened, manic, scattered, pressured, judgemental, extreme

Responding to a sympathetic state

Firstly, check out the information above about connecting with a ventral vagal state. Once you have a list of things and places that allow you to connect with safety, you can use this as a basis for responding to a fight or flight state. Often, though, in this state the energy needs somewhere to go. Its purpose is to mobilise us into action which is useful when there’s real danger but less so when the danger is perceived.

There are a couple of options I’d suggest here. Engaging in physical activity can help regulate the sympathetic state. Activities like running, dancing (my favourite), or even a brisk walk can help discharge the excess energy generated by the fight-or-flight response.

If your system is chronically stressed, overwhelmed and anxious you may need to be soothed more than you need to move. Check in with yourself so that you can give your body what it needs. This post about somatic listening has an exercise for tuning into yourself to see what you might need. If movement isn’t right, try connecting with your breath. Allowing the out breath to be longer than your in breath can slow down your heart rate and support you to move towards a ventral vagal state.

You might even try a mixture of movement and breathing. We’re all different, so this is a process of experimentation to find out what works for you.

Dorsal vagal state: shutdown and disconnection

The Dorsal Vagal state occurs when we feel overwhelmed and unable to escape a threat, leading to a shutdown or freeze response. This state is can include feelings of disconnection and numbness. It is a protective mechanism and we end up here when what’s going on outside of us is too much. For neurodivergent people, this shut down state can be brought on by sensory overload. The dorsal vagal state is linked to depression and it can be likened to putting a computer or appliance into power saving mode.

What the dorsal vagal state can feel like

Words to describe the ventral vagal state can include: absent, disconnected, disassociated, void, numb, shut down, overwhelmed

Responding to a dorsal vagal state

Grounding techniques can help manage the Dorsal Vagal state. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise: start by really connecting with the feeling of your feet on the floor, before slowly looking around and identifying five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This practice can help bring your awareness back to the present moment, reducing feelings of disconnection.

I also like to work somatically with this state. Try standing up and gently patting all over your body. You can then move to offering some gentle compression of various parts of your body - so gently squeezing. Finally, move to sweeping each part of my body with your hands. This can be powerful when combined with visualising that you’re sweeping away anything that doesn’t serve or support you.

When you feel less disconnected, you could try moving your body to release any stuck energy.

The nervous system’s baseline

Something else I wish I’d known sooner is that everyone’s nervous system has a baseline level of reactivity. Our nervous systems become more reactive because of trauma, anxiety, illness and other factors but we can also work on them to make them less reactive overall.

There can be a temptation to respond to the nervous system only when it’s dysregulated, i.e in a sympathetic or dorsal vagal state, but you can look after your nervous system in a preventative way too. A great way of doing this is by being proactive about mapping and accessing our ventral vagal state and then intentionally focussing on the things, places and people that help us to access safety.

As well as focussing on safety and connection, a simple way of supporting your nervous system is by doing some breathing exercises first thing when you wake up. Our levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, are highest when we wake up, so focussing on reducing this can give us a calmer start to the day.

Practice makes progress

Befriending your nervous system through the Polyvagal Ladder involves recognising and working with its different states. You’ll see the most benefits and shifts from this if you are intentional about practicing your responses, so that you integrate them into your daily life. I’d suggest you start by setting aside a few minutes each day to check in with your nervous system and respond to its state. You can also map your ventral vagal anchors as detailed above, so that you always have a resource to return to.

I offer one off, 121 sessions where we can explore your nervous system and giving you a bunch of tools that you can use to support yourself. Contact me here. You may also wish to check out my counselling services if you’re interested in longer term work.