Metta bhavana: a loving kindness meditation practice

Self love, self compassion and metta bhavana: a loving kindness meditation practice

Hello and thanks for being here. If you’re new here I’m Laura, a counsellor, nature therapist, somatic therapist, meditation teacher and space holder. My offerings are all about supporting you to connect with yourself and the world around you.

Today, I’m sharing a Metta Bhavana meditation, a traditional Buddhist practice, often translated as loving-kindness meditation. Metta meditation is form of mindfulness that focuses on consciously developing feelings of love, kindness, and compassion, first towards ourselves, and then gradually extending those feelings to others, including friends, acquaintances and even people we find challenging. This practice invites us to soften our hearts and minds and to cultivate a sense of unconditional goodwill. It doesn’t require us to feel a certain way. Instead, it works by setting the intention to care, and gently nurturing that intention through focused awareness.

In the middle of busy lives and external demands, it can be easy to overlook the simple yet powerful act of offering loving kindness to ourselves. Mettā meditation is a beautiful way to reconnect with that inner warmth. It reminds us that love is not just a feeling, it’s a practice. One we can return to, again and again.

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began - Mary Oliver, The Journey

This idea of offering kindness to ourselves reminds me of one of The Journey by Mary Oliver, one of my all-time favourite poems. For me, it’s the ultimate expression of self-love. It describes thhe process of turning inward, listening to your own voice, trusting that voice and taking the first steps towards living a life that feels authentic.

The part that always stays with me is:

“there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do
determined to save
the only life you could save”

This, for me, is a beautiful reminder that love doesn’t begin with grand gestures or external validation, but with the decision to honour and care for your own inner life.

This is the very heart of metta loving kindness. The practice asks us to turn towards ourselves with gentleness, especially when we feel undeserving or depleted. It reminds us that we don’t have to wait until we feel “enough” to offer ourselves love. In fact, it’s the offering itself and the repetition of phrases like “May I be well. May I be safe. May I be happy. May I live with ease.” that begins to support sense of worthiness.

Both Metta Bhavana and The Journey offer a similar truth: we start within.

The myth of self love

This idea that love begins within doesn’t mean it happens in isolation. In fact, as Esther Perel explores in her post The Myth of Self-Love, our cultural obsession with individualism often skews the conversation. She reminds us that the journey toward self-love doesn’t happen in a vacuum, it’s shaped by our relationships, our communities, and the broader social systems we live within.

Love is deeply relational. While it’s important to develop a kind and compassionate relationship with ourselves, I don’t believe in the idea that “you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.” Frankly, I find that idea pretty harmful. We’re complex human beings, carrying different life experiences, traumas and self-perceptions. Struggling with self-love doesn’t make us unworthy of love from others. You can absolutely be a caring, supportive friend, partner or family member even if your relationship with yourself is still a work in progress.

It’s often through meaningful, loving relationships that we get to see ourselves more clearly and with more compassion. Being loved by others can help us learn how to love ourselves and, sometimes, that external reflection is what we need most. If you’re interested in exploring your own relationship with self-love, I’ve included some self-love journal prompts below.

Metta bhavana: a loving kindness meditation practice to to cultivate feelings of love and compassion towards yourself and others.

So what is metta meditation? In Metta Bhavana, the word metta translates as “love” in a broad, non-romantic sense, encompassing qualities like kindness, goodwill, friendliness, and compassion. It’s the warm, open-hearted feeling you might have toward a dear friend, a child, or even a stranger. The word bhavana means development or cultivation. So together, Metta Bhavana can be understood as the “cultivation of loving-kindness.”

Loving kindness meditation gently guides us to expand our capacity for compassion, starting with ourselves and gradually extending outward to others: loved ones, acquaintances, those we find difficult, and eventually all beings. It’s a way of training the heart to remain open, even in the face of difficulty or disconnection. Over time, it can foster greater emotional resilience and increase positive states such as happiness, gratitude, empathy, and inner peace.

What I love about Metta Bhavana is that it doesn’t require us to already feel loving or kind. It simply asks us to show up, to set the intention, and to begin the practice. Especially during times when I’m feeling disconnected or challenged in my relationships, I find this meditation to be a gentle and grounding way to reconnect, with myself and with others. It helps soften the edges of defensiveness, resentment, or self-criticism, and brings me back into a more open-hearted state of being.

If you decide to try it, I’d really love to hear how it goes for you. Everyone experiences the practice differently, some find it immediately soothing, while for others it can bring up unexpected emotions. Both are completely valid. Whatever your experience, you're simply meeting yourself where you are, with kindness. Let me know if you give it a try, I'd be curious to hear what comes up for you.

Journal prompts for loving kindness

• Self-compassion:
  What would it sound like if I spoke to myself the way I would speak to a friend who is struggling? You can explore self compassion more here.

• Extending warmth:
  Who in my life could use a little more kindness right now? How might I offer it in a way that feels authentic and easeful for me?

• Softening the edges:
  What parts of myself do I find hardest to love? What might happen if I allowed a small amount of tenderness toward those parts today?

• The ripple effect:
  Recall a time when someone showed you genuine kindness. How did it affect you, and how might you pass that feeling forward?

• Universal loving-kindness:
  If I could send one wish of love or peace to all beings, what would it be? Describe what the world would feel like if that wish came true.

Thank you for being here, exploring Metta Bhavana and loving kindness. If you’d like to explore some other resources to support you, you might like to check out these posts:

Connecting with self-compassion in times of struggle
The body remembers: exploring somatic therapy approaches
Embrace simple rituals for daily grounding