Recent reflections: old stories we tell ourselves, bringing in the light and creating space

Hello friends. Today I’m sharing another periodic round up of reflections from Instagram. I do a lot of my in the moment sharing over there. You can check out my last round up here or head over to my profile and follow me if you’d like to stay up to date. I also share reflections, along with other tools to support you, in my monthly news letter which you can access here.

I’m always interested to see the themes that flow through my work with people. Chances are, if one of my clients is exploring something then at least one other person will be too. Today I’m sharing reflections around:

The old stories we tell ourselves
Self compassion
Creating space

Keep scrolling to find out more. If you’d like to work with me, you can check out my offerings here and you can head here for information about my counselling services and nature based counselling.

How the old stories we tell ourselves can impact our current reality

This has been a topic of exploration for a few clients in the last week or so. The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They shape how we see the world, how we interact with others, and how we view ourselves. But what happens when those old stories no longer match our current reality? Maybe the stories you’re telling impact the way you see yourself. Maybe the stories you’re telling impact the way you connect with others. Maybe both of those things are true. 

Let’s use perfectionism as an example. Maybe the story you’re telling yourself is:

 “If I don’t do everything perfectly, I’ll be judged or rejected.”

“Mistakes mean I’m a failure.”

“I’m only worthy if I’m achieving.”

This story probably served a purpose once, but what happens when that story no longer matches your current reality?

When the old narratives clash with our present, it can feel confusing or even unsettling. Why? Because our brains are pattern making machines that love familiarity, even when it keeps us stuck. 

Luckily, our brains are absolutely capable of making new patterns. Neuroplasticity means that we can create new stories and ways of seeing the world that can rewrite the old ones.

To rewrite your old stories, you could reflect on the following:

What is the story I’m telling myself?

Where did the story begin?

What were you protecting yourself from?

How can I reframe this story, each time it arises, to gently teach my brain that it’s not true any more?

Growth is uncomfortable, but rewriting old stories and patterns can be a beautiful and empowering part of the process. e way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Bringing in the light as we transition from autumn to winter

As we move firmly into the darker half of the year, I’m reflecting on the way in which we seek out light in times of darkness. This could be the literal darkness or winter or the metaphorical darkness of our own shadow selves, or of wider society, particularly as we navigate these difficult times.

Something I’ve explored a lot in my work holding and facilitating spaces for others is the idea that we need to light our own darkness before we can be a light for others. 

I firmly believe that the need to find a light in the dark is ingrained in us as humans. If we think about our ancient ancestors, the winter months were a matter of life or death. Surviving the cold dark months of winter would have been dependent on the harvest yielding enough resources to carry them through until the warmer, lighter days of Spring.

Because of this, we can see why so many cultures around the world honour festivals that celebrate light. From the vibrant celebration of Diwali to the lighting of the menorah at Hanukkah, the lanterns of Loy Krathong in Thailand, the bright festive lights that celebrate Eid, these celebrations share a common theme; bringing light into our lives as a way of navigating through the dark.

In many psychological theories there is the idea that our ‘self’ has distinct parts. When we turn away from or deny parts of ourselves this can lead to internal conflict, with the abandoned parts of self, the parts that are in our shadow or darkness, spilling out at times. In therapy part of the work I do with many clients is supporting them connect with their various parts in order to integrate or reconcile them. 

As we move firmly into the dark half of the year, I invite you to reflect about your connection with the polarity between light and dark.  How can you bring in light to carry you through the darker months? You could carry out a simple daily ritual, like lighting a candle each evening as you embrace night fall. Perhaps you could greet the sun each morning to connect with the winter light all through the colder months. 

This weekend I felt the call to be somewhere different. I got in my car and drove to Wales, to be greeted by fog rolling in over the Welsh landscape. I’ve shared my picture from Arthur’s Stone on the last slide. 

I am fortunate to love my home environment and it feels safe, nourishing and supportive but even from this place of feeling grounded and connected to where I am, sometimes I still need to create space away from my normal. 

So many of the tools that we might use to support us on a healing path are essentially about creating this space so that we can be more present. 

Meditation creates space in the mind, so we can be more objective about the thoughts that arise there.

Yoga asana creates space in the physical body (annamaya kosha) as well as four other layers of being or koshas.

Therapy creates a space where we externalise our inner process and where a therapist can reflect back our automatic responses and patterns.

A spiritual belief system creates space by acting as a guiding structure that anchors us to a sense of purpose and connection to something greater than ourselves.

Being active in our community or being in service creates space as we focus on the bigger picture and the needs of our wider web of connection.

When we have space, we are able to be more intentional in our thoughts and actions, making conscious decisions rather than following unexamined habits or reactions. 

Creating space allows new ways of being to take root and grow within us. 

This mindful practice of carving out time for ourselves strengthens our ability to tune into this voice and trust it, rather than relying solely on external input.

Today I invite you to consider how you could create space for yourself.